I work with a young girl who is beautifully mixed in history and in ethnicity. She makes comments about "White People" often that is disturbing and borderline bigotry, she thinks she is being honest and upfront which will make people like her, youth. I remember making such claims and boasting how black I am and stamping my insignia everywhere I went, taxing. Trying to reason with someone like this only threatens their very way of coping with what they believe they are missing and they aren't missing anything but themselves. I know from my own experience that what people see on the outside does not matter. It took me a long time to realize this notion and make it a part of me, find comfort within myself, not everyone needs to like you. Hating the people who make up your genetic background is the very definition of self hate. Excluding parts of you only keeps you from the whole picture that was painted perfectly with you in mind. She says things that cringes the hairs that prick on the back of my neck sending shockwaves of sick down to my legs making them weak with every syllable. It's been a month listening to her rants about "White People" and I had had enough so I walked up to her and said a few things.
Me: When you speak like that about "White People" like you do, it doesn't make me want to engage. I don't live like that anymore. I am not full of hate. I do not want to live there again because it taints your soul and destroys the the very essence which we are connected.
Her: And what would that be?
Me: Human.
Her: When you say things like that, it's like you are denying who you are.
Me: I said nothing of the sort and you heard what you wanted to hear. I love me. I know who and what I am. I am not a bigot looking to find answers in societies prison mind game; those days are passed. I only want to connect with other humans in a positive way.
Her: That doesn't make any sense to me.
Me: It will in time, your young.
Her: When you say I am young it's a slap in the face. I don't ever want to feel any other way, I have earned this feeling. I like where I am.
Me: As you should.
Her: I don't get where you are coming from.
Me: You will in time, your young compared to my 38 years on the planet during the 70's and early 80's where bigotry was in your face and unapologetic. Youth and the millennia on your side, times are different. You have no concept of scraping your skin off because everyone hated that color and told you in your face. You have no idea about being hit in the chest at 40mph with jello being called a "Nigger". You have no idea what real fighting looks like because of the time we live currently. You only know of what is present on t.v. and in movies getting mad at yesterday and forgetting the fruits and gifts of today, you are young.
Her: I still don't understand what you are saying. I know that you deny your black heritage.
Me: You have no idea who or what I am until I tell you, we don't know each other but I do know your kind. Seeking validation in a world who doesn't see your blackness because your mixed. Trying to fit in and not belonging to anything or any group. Desperately clinging to the piece of you that hasn't been sold while hating the parts that have nurtured you all this time, I know you. I have seen your kind. I have lost many friends to this notion.
The conversation goes on and on like this because the youth did not get the kind of training we did as young black kids. The youth did not get the kind of understanding we did as young black kids. The youth of today is silver spoon fed jerks who believe they are entitled just by breathing have not worked a day in their lives to wear that angst like the rest of us older parties who have struggled with our identity and our place on this planet but they will someday and then again, maybe they won't. I am not a big fan of youth today, in some regard, due to lack of ambition and whining, they whine a lot. They whine about shit that we would just go out and do because that's just how it was. Today's youth are spoiled beyond necessity confinding mentally shredding their natural know how and could use a bit of humble pie deep in their faceholes. If I hear one more black youth tell me they want to be surrounded by other black people so that their shame is washed away by proxy I'll have to go insane and pour gasoline to their tightly coiled asshole and set them on fire. There is nothing worse than black youth hating their own skin and heritage while spreading ignorance publically. Hate begets hate, evil begets evil, stupid...you can sometimes fix but it seems to be forever in society. I have fought my way through the goblin city only to find what I already knew in my heart, I am a perfectly flawed American mutt whose history and heritage is rich like the soil to Mother Earth and vast like Father Sky. I am a part of everything big and small and the best and worst of humans. There is no rescue from outer space. Planet Nigris does not exist and there will be no one to come for us and take us home because we are already here. Once you embrace that every life is precious and that the only difference is skin color and how we were raised, things get easier and less one sided. If I could tell that young lady whose spirit is darkened by what she hopes to find out once the veil is lifted and have her truly hear what I am saying, would be a gift but that is not the world we live in and I am not a sherpa for lost black youths. I am my own island full of my own sharks waiting to take a taste of my beaten down soul when I fail to realize this notion of we are indeed one and they have not had the pleasure of my seasoning on their tongue either. It's not my job to teach every person who has this affliction but it is my duty to throw out wisdom wrapped in candy coated truth so that when they swallow it down it isn't as bitter as the rest of the world would serve it. I do that daily, isn't that enough? People say you learn when you teach, could be true for some. I never stop learning. If arrogance tried to wear me down like this young lady I would have given up long long ago, but I'm stubborn. I want peace. I want to be whole. I want to not forget but forgive. I want find that common place where my words don't hurt and someday I might but for this particular piece of unwanted bigotry competition dickery, I respectfully decline the invite. Peace B Da Journey <3 p="">
Me: When you speak like that about "White People" like you do, it doesn't make me want to engage. I don't live like that anymore. I am not full of hate. I do not want to live there again because it taints your soul and destroys the the very essence which we are connected.
Her: And what would that be?
Me: Human.
Her: When you say things like that, it's like you are denying who you are.
Me: I said nothing of the sort and you heard what you wanted to hear. I love me. I know who and what I am. I am not a bigot looking to find answers in societies prison mind game; those days are passed. I only want to connect with other humans in a positive way.
Her: That doesn't make any sense to me.
Me: It will in time, your young.
Her: When you say I am young it's a slap in the face. I don't ever want to feel any other way, I have earned this feeling. I like where I am.
Me: As you should.
Her: I don't get where you are coming from.
Me: You will in time, your young compared to my 38 years on the planet during the 70's and early 80's where bigotry was in your face and unapologetic. Youth and the millennia on your side, times are different. You have no concept of scraping your skin off because everyone hated that color and told you in your face. You have no idea about being hit in the chest at 40mph with jello being called a "Nigger". You have no idea what real fighting looks like because of the time we live currently. You only know of what is present on t.v. and in movies getting mad at yesterday and forgetting the fruits and gifts of today, you are young.
Her: I still don't understand what you are saying. I know that you deny your black heritage.
Me: You have no idea who or what I am until I tell you, we don't know each other but I do know your kind. Seeking validation in a world who doesn't see your blackness because your mixed. Trying to fit in and not belonging to anything or any group. Desperately clinging to the piece of you that hasn't been sold while hating the parts that have nurtured you all this time, I know you. I have seen your kind. I have lost many friends to this notion.
The conversation goes on and on like this because the youth did not get the kind of training we did as young black kids. The youth did not get the kind of understanding we did as young black kids. The youth of today is silver spoon fed jerks who believe they are entitled just by breathing have not worked a day in their lives to wear that angst like the rest of us older parties who have struggled with our identity and our place on this planet but they will someday and then again, maybe they won't. I am not a big fan of youth today, in some regard, due to lack of ambition and whining, they whine a lot. They whine about shit that we would just go out and do because that's just how it was. Today's youth are spoiled beyond necessity confinding mentally shredding their natural know how and could use a bit of humble pie deep in their faceholes. If I hear one more black youth tell me they want to be surrounded by other black people so that their shame is washed away by proxy I'll have to go insane and pour gasoline to their tightly coiled asshole and set them on fire. There is nothing worse than black youth hating their own skin and heritage while spreading ignorance publically. Hate begets hate, evil begets evil, stupid...you can sometimes fix but it seems to be forever in society. I have fought my way through the goblin city only to find what I already knew in my heart, I am a perfectly flawed American mutt whose history and heritage is rich like the soil to Mother Earth and vast like Father Sky. I am a part of everything big and small and the best and worst of humans. There is no rescue from outer space. Planet Nigris does not exist and there will be no one to come for us and take us home because we are already here. Once you embrace that every life is precious and that the only difference is skin color and how we were raised, things get easier and less one sided. If I could tell that young lady whose spirit is darkened by what she hopes to find out once the veil is lifted and have her truly hear what I am saying, would be a gift but that is not the world we live in and I am not a sherpa for lost black youths. I am my own island full of my own sharks waiting to take a taste of my beaten down soul when I fail to realize this notion of we are indeed one and they have not had the pleasure of my seasoning on their tongue either. It's not my job to teach every person who has this affliction but it is my duty to throw out wisdom wrapped in candy coated truth so that when they swallow it down it isn't as bitter as the rest of the world would serve it. I do that daily, isn't that enough? People say you learn when you teach, could be true for some. I never stop learning. If arrogance tried to wear me down like this young lady I would have given up long long ago, but I'm stubborn. I want peace. I want to be whole. I want to not forget but forgive. I want find that common place where my words don't hurt and someday I might but for this particular piece of unwanted bigotry competition dickery, I respectfully decline the invite. Peace B Da Journey <3 p="">
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